more gray skies welcomed me to life
on this very holy Christmas eve.
the arbor vitae surrounding the yard
are robbed of color as well by the
surrounding gray as silence reigns.

my mindheart wanders to Christmas's
past with you, luv, and family; the joy
of cutting down our tree on our land;
of awaiting the arrival of Betty and Art,
my dearest of dearest friends who most
often spent this day with us but now
there with you; of memories with family
gathered for mom's stuffing and turkey
and the blessings of love we shared.

so many memories flood my heart today
as I sit by my fire in silence and alone-
looking back on the blessings and sorrows
of my years here on this earth...Bentley at
my side wondering if a miracle will allow
us one more Christmas season together.

the past becomes the present and we take
it all into the future; a future that looks
precarious and empty as i sit here today;
but one i must make meaningful by giving
to those around me and by receiving the love
offered to me, a humble recipient.
now later, with NPR broadcasting Christmas
Mass from England, a favorite place of ours.
more memories of days in London flow through
me as chicken curry cooks in the slow cooker,
in anticipation of dinner here with friends
tonight...a first since you died, my love.
pies bake for tomorrow at a friend's home.
it is all so much when i think of those who
have nothing: no food, no home, nothing and
yet i, i yearn for more. just one thing more-
that the empty chair at tonight's table would
be filled with your physical presence on one
more holy, warm, and joy-filled Christmas eve.

may each of us, on this special day, acknowledge
the blessings and sorrows that have been ours
to embrace and may we make meaning by giving
of ourselves to so many who have so little or
who are in pain themselves...let we who grieve
become wounded healers in some way each day.



Personal Growth &
Grief Support Center